Suburboddity for July 21

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Updated: April 7, 2012 2:56PM

Free of charge, we offer tales of stupid criminals, strange crimes, odd news and otherwise silly stories from around the area.

OAK PARK, JULY 7 — Kirby Wise, 37, walked out of the Danville Correctional Center a free man after serving two years for retail theft.

Almost.

Before his release, the state Department of Corrections checked to see if there were any outstanding warrants on Wise. It turned out he hadn’t shown up in court on an Oak Park purse snatching charge — in 1991.

Oak Park cops were waiting for him, and gave him a free ride to Cook County.

Bail me, mommie?

GLENCOE, JULY 4 — A young Buffalo Grove man, 18, ticked off that his mother insisted he accompany her to the fireworks show, sulked in a relatively secluded corner of the Glencoe Beach. It wasn’t so out of the way that a cop didn’t walk by and notice he smelled like he was soothing his hurt feelings with a little marijuana.

Then the cop found the unprescribed Xanax in his cigarette pack, a felony.

He had all he needed for a great summer party, but he couldn’t go

NORTHLAKE, JULY 2 — A Stone Park man, 55, was caught allegedly trying to sneak out of the 137 W. North Ave. Walmart with a bottle of Wild Turkey, another of zinfandel wine, compact discs from The Doors and Deep Purple, and an air conditioner.

But do you have a
comfortable car?

NILES, JULY 1 — A regular customer, 35, of a salon on the 7600 block of Milwaukee Avenue asked an employee for a sexual favor, police said. The victim told the man they do not do that there.

Dog unclear on the concept

NORTHBROOK, JUNE 20 — Police said two people saw a small dog hanging by its neck from a leash and collar over the side of a Ford F-120 pickup hauling along on the 1500 block of Lake-Cook Road. At a stoplight, one of them was able to pick up the dog and return it to the bed of the truck. They called the cops, who ticketed the Neosho, Mo., driver, 26, for animal cruelty.

But the car was nice and cool when they got back

GLENCOE, JULY 9 — A woman reported to police that her Coach purse had been stolen from her parked car while she and her husband had been in the 7-Eleven store at 107 Green Bay Road. It turns out they had left all the windows open. The empty purse was found later on a driveway across the street.

And then she called him Melonhead

NILES, JULY 6 — A woman, 47, punctuated an argument with her husband by throwing a watermelon across their kitchen on the 8500 block of Milwaukee Avenue.

Home and no range

GLENCOE, JULY 5 — A Hohlfelder Road couple away for the July 4 weekend returned to find their new kitchen range missing. Contractors had been renovating their house while they were gone, and the couple never even got a chance to use the $2,800 cook top before it was stolen. They suspected the contractors had left the house open.

Getting the most out of light beer

LAKE FOREST, JULY 4 — A youth, 19, ran into the street in front of a car, screamed at the occupants and pounded on the windows. He kicked dents into a fender and a door. Police came, and he ran away.

They caught him and charged him with disorderly conduct, criminal damage to property, resisting arrest and underage drinking. He still had a can of Bud Light in his hand.

Hotel now appraised at half its previous value

LINCOLNWOOD, JUNE 28 — A burglar stole a set of hand tools, a power saw, a power drill, a space heater, two tires and a security camera from the Purple Hotel, 4500 W. Touhy Ave. The loot was estimated at $1,400.

It’s a bird! It’s a plane!
It’s a cop!

LINCOLNWOOD, JUNE 29 — A Chicago Police officer walked confidently and directly through a vacant lot at 52nd and South Peoria streets, picked up a couple of plywood sheets, and uncovered the stolen motorcycle hidden there. He didn’t have X-ray vision — he was just following the signal from a tracking device in the bike, which had been taken from the parking lot at Lowe’s, 3601 W. Touhy Ave., Lincolnwood.

Thanks — I can use this to call 911

NORTHBROOK, JUNE 23 — A woman was waiting to pull her car into a parking space on the 200 block of Skokie Boulevard when someone else cut her off and pulled into the spot. She had words with the other driver, who hurled her cell phone at the victim, striking her in the back.

Maybe he had a bad piece of fish

RIVER FOREST, JULY 11 — Police charged a Vine Street woman, 43, with hosting an underage drinking party after they saw a 17-year-old Oak Park boy covered in vomit, being held up by two other teens, in front of her house. She told them she knew they were partying in the garage, but hadn’t seen any booze.

When radar goes off
the radar

RIVERWOODS, JUNE 16 — Police noticed a radar-operated speed sign, a 20 mph speed limit sign, and the pole on which both were attached on the 900 block of Hoffman Lane had gone missing some time in the previous five days.

Jew for a Day

SKOKIE, JULY 11 — In relating a tale from a documentary playing July 17 at the Skokie Theatre, “Jews and Baseball: An American Love Story,” Pioneer reporter Mike Isaacs wrote about Dodgers ace Sandy Koufax skipping the 1965 World Series opener that fell on Yom Kippur.

“(Don) Drysdale took his place and was shelled that day. When skipper Walter Alston went to the mound to relieve him, Drysdale said, ‘I bet you wish I were Jewish today.’”

Double-dutch bus fuss

RIVER FOREST, JULY 12 — A Glen Ellyn man, riding a bicycle built for two with an Oak Park friend, apparently got the impression that a bus driver was trying to run them off the road. He caught up with the bus on Lake Street near Harlem Avenue, and pounded on the door, screaming. When it opened to let off passengers, the bicyclist jumped on, put the driver in a headlock, and repeatedly whipped the guy’s head against the window. The assailant fled on the bike, but didn’t get far. He was charged with aggravated battery. The driver had a stiff neck.

Electronics stores cause more accidents than
Budweiser

PARK RIDGE, JUNE 25 — A Libertyville woman, 22, looking down at her Global Positioning System navigation unit while driving a 1998 Honda, drove it through a red light on Touhy Avenue at Summit Avenue and collided with a 2006 Mercedes.

Four days later a Park Ridge youth, 18, bent down to pick up an iPod that had fallen off his front seat, and drove his 2008 Ford Taurus into a fire hydrant at Greenwood Avenue and Busse Highway. Both were ticketed. Nobody was hurt.

It’s golden, Rod

CHICAGO, JUNE 27 — After ex-Gov. Rod Blagojevich was convicted of 17 corruption charges, Chicago’s FBI Special-Agent-in-Charge Rob Grant told the Sun-Times, “A famous artist once said Lady Justice is blind, but she has very sophisticated listening devices.”

We serve and collect

NILES, JUNE 28 — Village trustees voted to tow cars of residents who owe $1,000 to the village, not just for parking tickets, but for water bills, tall-weeds fines or ambulance fees.

He wasn’t lying

OLYMPIA FIELDS, JULY 12 — The same day a bank foreclosed on R. Kelly’s $3.8 million south suburban mansion, Kelly bowed out of a Virginia concert, saying he was sick.